"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
