So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
