awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
