New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
