I heard we made out
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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