my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
