The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
