I think my vagina is haunted
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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