The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
