can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
