it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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