My liver just broke up with me...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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