Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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