Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
