I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
