Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
