something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
