well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
A+ Viking dick
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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