I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
