my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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