Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
