well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
