Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
