I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
