On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize