he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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