Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
