I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
