dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
