He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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