y did u give ur computer a hand job?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize