You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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