In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
