I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
