My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
