I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
