I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize