are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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