Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
