If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
