i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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