i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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