If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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