I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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