Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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