at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this just has baby written all over it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
