ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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