just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
