hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
