WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
