i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
