ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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