You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
