I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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