If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
