she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
