Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
