Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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