He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
