i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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