My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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