You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
