You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
