you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
