I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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