Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
