just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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